i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I could make wine with my vomit
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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