I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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