hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize