The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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