one might say we're banned from that church
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
