I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize