Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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