A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
