There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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