she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Girls should come with a carfax report
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
