i need an iv and a liver transplant
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
