I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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