So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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