Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
