Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
