Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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