A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
