i need an iv and a liver transplant
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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