just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
