look no pants
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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