yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
