threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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