I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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