dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
