Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
