I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
