saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
