There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
