i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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