I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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