I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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