I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
