Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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