no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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