He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
