you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
