I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
