I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
