Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
