Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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