so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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