these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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