Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
