Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
