Where did you get a picture of my penis
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
