You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
