Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
