i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
