When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I love you. Go after that dick
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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