in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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