Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
