Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
