I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I fill condoms, not promises.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
