we were pretty classy up until the second keg
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
