I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
