I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
