I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
