Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
