I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
