Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize