youre lurking in front of me
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
