now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
