Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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