She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
